Hetalia History, Facebook Edition
by kingdomheartsforevs
Summary: Today, we delve deep into the history of the world as we view its Facebook comments. Seriously, the countries have been using Facebook for, like, ever. - COMMENT - LIKE - SHARE -
1. Chapter 1

_A/N:_

I had to do this. I just... did. Facebook posts through history... who knew Facebook even existed so long~?

... Just read it. It's funny, I swear.

* * *

><p><strong>Ben Franklin<strong>

Just signed up the Declaration of Independence today. Booyah, England.

_236 years ago – Comment - Like - Share_

**France**, **Spain**, and **The Dutch Republic **like this.

**England **What the bloody Hell, you old codger?

_10 minutes ago - Like_

**America** HA. Take that, BETCH.

_10 minutes ago - Like_

**Ben Franklin** You redcoats don't stand a chance.

_9 minutes ago - Like_

**America** More like DICKcoats. Amirite?

_9 minutes ago - Like_

**John Hancock **Does this mean we get to sign more stuff? Cuz that was fun.

_4 minutes ago - Like_

**Ben Franklin **So we gathered.

_2 minutes ago - Like_

* * *

><p><strong>Lyndon Johnson<strong> signed the **Civil Rights Act of 1964**.

_48 years ago – Comment – Like - Share_

**Martin Luther King, Jr. **likes this.

**Alabama** When are we getting that "dislike" button?

_7 minutes ago – Like_

**Mississippi **No kidding.

_7 minutes ago – Like_

**Arkansas **Seriously.

_6 minutes ago – Like_

* * *

><p><strong>Pilgrim - Native America<strong>

Hey, Alfred!

Just wanted to invite you over to a big feast in celebration of you helping us get through that doozy of a winter. You around this weekend?

_391 years ago – Comment – Like - Share_

**Native America** Aww, totes bro! But, uh. I'm still kinda pissed at you.

_14 minutes ago – Like_

**Pilgrim** But that's what the feast is for! We should make amends. :) We can even call it something cool, like Giving of the Thankitude, or Thankifying Day, or Thankness to the Browny Folk. :D

_14 minutes ago - Like_

**Squant** Wow. Uh, listen – how about you keep the food and just quit killing us off and taking our land?

_12 minutes ago - Like_

**Native America **Oh, hey. That… sounds way better than food.

_12 minutes ago - Like_

**Pilgrim **Oh, too bad my idea's better. I'm makin' cobbler! :D

_10 minutes ago - Like_

* * *

><p><strong>Japan <strong>has created the event **Party in Pearl Harbor, but with Bombs**

_71 years ago – RSVP to this event_

**Germany **likes this.

**America **Wait. What?

_5 minutes ago – Like_

**Japan **Oh, sorry, America-san – I meant "the bomb." You know, that silly American slang for "cool"? Yes, I really like that phrase…

_5 minutes ago - Like_

**America **Oh, thank God. I totally thought you were gonna bomb Pearl Harbor or something.

_3 minutes ago - Like_

**Japan **has made the event **Party in Pearl Harbor, but with Bombs **private.

_30 seconds ago – Comment - Like - Share_

* * *

><p><strong>Chris Columbus - America<strong>

This IS India… right?

_520 years ago – Comment – Like - Share_

**America **Uh…

_10 minutes ago – Like_

**Chris Columbus **Is that a yes or a no?

_10 minutes ago – Like_

**America **Just… no comment.

_5 minutes ago – Like_

* * *

><p><strong>England <strong>and **France **are attending the **Hundred Years War**.

_675 years ago – Comment – Like – Share_

**England** Give up, you insufferable ninny! Admit that chunks of "your" territory ARE MINE because they belonged to my family!

_25 minutes ago - Like_

**France **No! They are mine! Your long-dead family members had sworn fealty to MY family members!

_24 minutes ago - Like_

**Scotland** Hey, don't forget about us. We want to wreak havoc, too.

_20 minutes ago – Like_

**Ireland **Us, too!

_20 minutes ago - Like_

**Wales **Dgoanegk!

_20 minutes ago – Like_

**England **SHUT THE BLOODY HELL UP, THE LOT OF YOU.

_19 minutes ago – Like_

**France **I am going to assume Wales also wants in on the action, though he is speaking gibberish?

_17 minutes ago – Like_

**England **FRENCH is the gibberish language! How the Hell could you even call that Latin-based?

_17 minutes ago – Like_

**France **WHY YOU – here begins your hundred years of pain, _Isle de Merde_!

_16 minutes ago – Like_

* * *

><p><em>AN:_

That's all I got so far.

See if you can guess all the events that are going on here! :D

I'm going to make one entirely for the American Civil War, and one entirely for WWII...

I hope you like it. ;A;

I'll update Golden Boy soon, I promise. Srsly. This was just... to great an opportunity to pass up.


	2. The Civil War

_A/N:_

Fun. Shiz.

Thanks for all your reviews! :D

This is going swimmingly~

So, just in case you were wondering, this one's about how the Civil War went down.

Americakinda dies off in it. Sorry.

… Love you. :D Enjoy~

* * *

><p><strong>Abraham Lincoln <strong>updated his work status to **President of the United States of America.**

_152 years ago – Comment – Like – Share_

**America **likes this.

**South Carolina **Oh Hell no.

_5 minutes ago - Like_

**South Carolina **has seceded from the group **The United States of America**.

_152 years ago – Comment – Like - Share_

**Mississippi **Whoa, we can do that?

_2 minutes ago – Like_

**Abraham Lincoln** No.

_2 minutes ago – Like_

**Florida** Cool!

_2 minutes ago - Like_

**Mississippi**,** Florida**,** Alabama**,** Georgia**,** Louisiana **and** Texas **have seceded from the group **The United States of America**.

_151 years ago – Comment – Like – Share_

**Abraham Lincoln** No. I said no. You can't just decide to be your own country. No.

_ 7 minutes ago - Like_

**America **Uh, Abe? Free country. By the way, all of this seceding is hurting like a bitch, so I would actually prefer you guys stop, too.

_ 6 minutes ago - Like_

**South Carolina**,** Mississippi**,** Florida**,** Alabama**,** Georgia**,** Louisiana **and** Texas **created the group **The Confederate States of America**.

_151 years ago – Comment – Like – Share_

**Abraham Lincoln** This isn't a thing. You're still part of the United States!

_5 minutes ago - Like_

**America **Aw, what - ? Dude, I feel like I'm freaking splitting in HALF. This is NOT fun. You guys need to STOP.

_5 minutes ago - Like_

**The Confederate States **Nah.

_4 minutes ago - Like_

**America **MOTHER -

_3 minutes ago – Like_

**Virginia**, **Arkansas**, **North Carolina **and** Tenessee **have joined the group **The Confederate States of America.**

_151 years ago – Comment – Like – Share_

(_A/N:_ And not two shits were given about America's pain that day.)

* * *

><p><strong>Abraham Lincoln – Winfield Scott<strong>

Alright, Winnie – let's OWN 'em.

_151 years ago – Comment – Like – Share_

**Winfield Scott** I've got a big anaconda with their name on it. ;)

_9 minutes ago – Like_

**Abraham Lincoln **Niiicccee.

_9 minutes ago - Like_

**The Confederate States **Don't even bother trying to cut off our trade. 'Cause guess what: you've been embargo'd. No more cotton for you.

_7 minutes ago – Like_

**The Union **K.

_5 minutes ago – Like_

**The Confederate States **Shit. We thought wrong… now we have no one to sell our cotton to because Winfield's blocking all of our ports.

_2 minutes ago - Like_

**Abraham Lincoln **FTWinfield.

_2 minutes ago - Like_

* * *

><p><strong>Irwin McDowell <strong>created the event **First Battle of Bull Run.**

_151 years ago – Comment – Like - Share_

**Irwin McDowell **I'm coming for you, southerners.

_10 minutes ago – Like_

**Thomas Jackson** Nope. Turn around

_10 minutes ago - Like_

**Irwin McDowell** Jesus. You're like a stone wall.

_8 minutes ago - Like_

**Thomas Jackson** Oooh I like that. How do I change my profile name to include a nickname?

_8 minutes ago – Like_

* * *

><p><strong>Abraham Lincoln<strong> wrote a note:

**The Emancipation Proclamation**

I, Abraham Lincoln, president of theUnited States of America, Commander-in-Chief of the Army and Navy thereof, do hereby proclaim and declare that hereafter…

_149 years ago – Comment – Like – Share_

**African Americans **like this.

**African Americans **So we're all free, full citizens now, right?

_4 minutes ago - Like_

**Abraham Lincoln **Uh. Not quite. Just free.

_4 minutes ago - Like_

**African Americans **Sure. That's not an awful, short-sighted idea at all.

_3 minutes ago - Like_

**Robert E. Lee **None of this matters 'cause we're a different country and you'll never get us back because we're awesome and we say "ya'll."

_1 minute ago - Like_

* * *

><p><strong>George Meade <strong>created the event **The** **Battle of Gettysburg**.

_149 years ago – Comment – Like – Share_

**Robert E. Lee **Psh. No problem.

_37 minutes ago – Like_

**Robert E. Lee **Nope. Never mind. Retreat! RETREAT!

_A few seconds ago - Like_

* * *

><p><strong>Ulysses S. Grant – Abraham Lincoln<strong>

'Sup. We've got control of theMississippi Rivernow.

_149 years ago – Comment – Like – Share_

**Abraham Lincoln **Oh, lovely. You're in charge of the Union Army now.

_2 minutes ago – Like_

**Ulysses S. Grant **LIKE A BOSS. I plan to decimate the south with mah boys **William Tecumseh Sherman **and **Philip Sheridan**.

_2 minutes ago - Like_

**Abraham Lincoln **Fantastic idea.

_30 seconds ago – Like_

* * *

><p><strong>William Tecumseh Sherman <strong>created the event **WE DON'T NEED NO WATER, LET THE MUTHERFUDGER BURN**.

_148 years ago – Comment – Like - Share_

**Georgia **Aw, come on! We JUST finished putting down those railroad tracks.

_37 seconds ago – Like_

**William Tecumseh Sherman **BURN MUTHERFUDGER, BUUURRN

_A few seconds ago - Like_

* * *

><p><strong>Ulysses S. Grant <strong>created the event **The Battle of Five Forks**.

_147 years ago – Comment – Like – Share_

**Robert E. Lee **Yikes. This is NOT going well.

_1 hour ago - Like_

**North Carolina** K, so, don't freak out, but I think the north just won.

_5 minutes ago - Like_

**Robert E. Lee **Ah. Yeah.

_5 minutes ago - Like_

**Robert E. Lee – ****Ulysses**** S. Grant**

Uncle.

_147 years ago – Comment – Like – Share_

* * *

><p><em>AN:_

Aaaaaand that's how the Civil War went. Start to finish.

Just so you know.

… Writing this was a blast.

Next up, World War II – Hetalia's natural habitat.


End file.
